Some people thinks Razzogno is the
village which preserved in the best way the pride of its own origins
and traditions, some other people thinks it is only a village
of fucking racists.
Visiting this country can be difficult since the Razzogno dialect is so harsh and close that neither those who speak it can understand what themselves are saying. In any case the inhabitants of the place refuse to speak other languages or dialects and they never talk to the strangers.
In Razzogno it is almost impossible to purchase whichever goods inasmuch as the producers are so proud of their products and get so attached to the, that they refuse to sell them or even, if they do it, just after the purchase they repent and assault the new customers ripping them the goods by strucking them with blows and accusing them to try to dispossess Razzogno of its own traditions.
In any case the very low manual skill of the Razzogno people, their very weak capacity of concentration, and the total lack of inventiveness and fantasy that characterizes them, makes the local handicraft very poorly attractive for the tourist.
The typical products are: the pillows paddings made of balled newspaper sheets, the pebbles' baskets to be thrown against the immigrants, the paint made of pig sewage to draw racist graffitis on the walls, the spiked maces for thrashings, the crosses to be brandished in demonstrations.
The most characteristic handicraft product of Razzogno is however the QWS pig urine, that the villagers use to pour around the country and the fields. A local superstition maintains in fact that such apotropaic gesture avoids the advent of mosques or Islamic communities, which anyway does not have any intention to settle down in Razzogno. The shedding of that liquid gives however to the entire country a characteristic odour, which can be perceived even from far away.
What to see
In the village center lies the Museum of intolerance, that encloses various collections of racist, sexist and discriminatory graffiti, but the visit is only allowed under permission of the staff of the ticket office, that usually denies it.
The Saint Brutus Cathedral can be visited only on Sunday, in occasion of the holy mass, and after getting through an examination of traditionalist liturgical culture to be stood in Latin before a commission of lefebvrian bishops. Once admitted in the church it must obligatorily attend the solemn mass in Latin, that endures four hours and must be must be heared kneeling on raw chickpeas and wearing a cilice; the Hosts for the Communion are made of pressed bran and have a weight of 300 grams each.
The Saint patron of Razzogno is by tradition Saint Mertotius, a three years child who was elected Pope in the year 126 before Christ and martyrized by shots of kalashnikov while he said Mass by a cell of Negro Hebrew communists. The festivity takes place in August and contemplates a three-days man-hunting aimed to capture every immigrant found around the country. Due to the absence of immigrates and the summery period in which it occurrs, the festivity unfailingly ends with the lynching of several villagers returning from the summer vacations, and therefore suntanned.
It is also characteristic the historical remembrance that animates the streets of Razzogno every year around Christmas, with the very realistic reconstruction of a pogrom, and the Rottweiler dogs races, which take place every year in summer.
The climate of Razzogno, humid and cold, is not suitable for agriculture, therefore the fields and the orchards of the village yield just weeds and uneatable fruits, which are consumed exclusively raw or boiled for long time. The Razzognese cooking moreover does not includes seasonings or flavours. The tasting of the local products is however absolutely improbable, inasmuch as in the village there are no restaurants and no Razzognese villager would ever invite to lunch a foreigner.
The traditional Razzognese pastime are the night patrols against immigrates. In the village actually there are no immigrates, neither from the neighbouring villages, and therefore the patrols end with brawls and mutual aggressions between the several bands of different political tendencies (nazis, ku-klux klan, fascists, racists, anti-Islamics, catholic fundamentalists etc.) when they fortuitously fall in one other.
To the victims of the brawls during the patrols it must add those that incur fractures and luxations in the following days, slipping on the wax of the torches, according to the well-known "Moratti effect", already experimented in Milan.
Another traditional pastime are the protest road blocks, leaded by the local governors, in case of crimes committed by immigrants (or attributed to them). The best throat-cutting and rapes performed by the natives, instead don't stir protests up, in how much they are considered normal actions, especially in the case the victims are women of the place, which are considered as a private property of the males of the village, and therefore easily accepted as victims of violence.
From far away the Razzogno hotels facades look decorated with valuable miniatures, but going closer it can be seen that those that looked like hieroglyphics are instead just a long directory of nationalities and geographic origins that follow the notice "I cannot get it" sticked on the entrance door.
The inside walls of the hotels are instead filled by the notice: "go and work, idle ones!" translated in 387 languages and dialects still spoken to you, and in 129 dead languages.
Before being admitted in the hotel any tourist must spent a period of quarantine, fast and prayer, and pay in advance the fee for the next thirty nights.
How to get there
No sign helps to reach the country by car, but in case somebody would succeed in doing it, it is advisable to speed up when passing the sign "Welcome in Razzogno" behind which the snipers hired by the tourist office are lain in wait to provide the acceptance for the foreigners.
The tourist office lies in Gallows square and it takes care of the direct transfer of the new comers in the village to the temporary permanence centre "Augusto Pinochet", situated in the area of Razzogno stadium. Due to the strong affluence it is advisable to reserve with a certain advance in order to avoid to remain without a cell.