Ours is a recently founded Christian
Church, which took the name of Cousins of the Lord, since
we deem that defining ourselves as sons or brothers of the Lord
would be a sign of excessive haughtiness.
We the cousins recognize only the Bible as a source of Truth and Science, and we refuse all the confused theories of the atheist pseudoscience, that doubt the Lord's Words. Here are in particular the theories we do not accept:
Theory of evolution: no evolution ever took place: the living beings were all created 6012 years ago, it was a Friday and it rained. All the plants and animals have been created to be in service of the Man, the only master on board the Universe after God, and in its turn created in His own image and likeness (sure, even Gasparri!). The dinosaurs never existed and the fossiles are remnants of the Deluge.
Archimedes' principle: no body experiences an upthrust, even because otherwise it gets a penalty kick. A body immersed in a fluid just get wet, and anyway you should better dry yourself up after, or you catch cold. Therefore swimming (with or without a duck-shaped life-belt) and floating on his back is an offense to God, and we refuse to do it.
Theory of gravity: we deem Isaac Newton as a poor blasphemous fool, and if an apple falls from the tree it only means it's ripe. We are even disposed to evaluate the hypothesis that apples never fall from the trees, or that apple trees don't exist, and only apples exist, or maybe neither do they, and anyway we don't like them, especially if they're baked.
First law of thermodynamics: we maintain the perpetual motion exists, indeed: just try and have many, quite many cups of coffee.
Sexual reproduction: as it was always renowned, babies are brought by the stork; all the rest is pornography invented by the misbelievers to offend the Lord. The sex organ don't exist and peoples are flat in front like Barbie and Ken.
Multiplication tables: six by six can also make thirty-six, but only if God wants it, otherwise they don't: it's useless to impose rules to the numbers, which are creatures of God and obey only Him. It's better to go to church, to pray, and in case to dream numbers to put money on, and buy a calculator with the money you win.
Traffic lights: we do not believe that the way of a faithful towards God can be arrested by a silly red light. In order to testify this Truth many of our brothers have met the martyrdom on the roads of the world. We also refuse the right-hand drive, since the Kingdom of God does not know limitations, and on a motorway we feel free to choose the direction the Lord suggests us.
Carnivores: we refuse the idea that the Lord could have created man-eater animals, since men are His beloved creatures. To demonstrate this many of our brothers went into the Natural Parks of the whole world to embrace with affection creatures of God like lions, tigers, grizzlies and polar bears. We are waiting their return with anxiety to listen their joyful tales about this experience of love for the Creation.