Flying cattle: a negated reality
by Andrea E. Gaddini
Professor of Buptery at Ox-Ford University
Professor of Bovine and Ovine Flight at Holy Cow Foundation of Dungburg
Associate Professor of Bovine Astrology at Bulls & Bullshit Academy of Mocking Cow
Director of Barn Storming Research Center of Cow-over-the-Moon

Often we hear people speaking about "flying cows" with a very low scientific rigour, frequently exceeding into quackery. It's time to define more precisely this subject, to avoid gratuitous and unproved statements made by crooked scientists, making the whole discipline fall into disrepute.
The study of bovine flight is surely difficult by the loath nature of these ruminants, shrinking from any superfluous exhibitionism which is characteristic, for instance, of the birds, but prefere instead a discreet flying activity, mainly for ludic and trophic purposes (i.e. attainment of the higher and tenderer leaves of the trees): anyway plenty of detailed scientific evidences on bovine flight are available and are exposed in the next pages.
We can start defining cattle flying activity as buptery from the Greek
boûV = cattle and pterón = wing. It must remark the almost perfect coincidence with the name butteri, the Italian Maremma cow boys, and this gives us a clear indication about the real duties of butteri in the past: air traffic controllers, not just stockpersons.

The absence of wings in cattle is of common knowledge, therefore it must deem the only explanation of this phenomenon is jet propulsion, by means of physiological emission of methane, carbon dioxide, scatole, indole and other gases; since this emission occurrs from both body orifices, located at the opposite ends of the body, cattle have a fine direction and speed control, even if their flight is more noisy than birds flight, not being detrimental anyway, since cattle haven't any flying predator, and don't prey upon other species.
The flying activity requires modifications of sense-organs, assuring a correct orientation during migrations and body stability during flight, even in critical situations (glides, dives, pull-ups), which is of basic importance, seen the lacking aerodinamic property of the species. It's clear that horns are the organs aimed to this task, since they're placed above the head, like the other sense-organs, and oriented towards the flight direction; their importance is confirmed by the fact that flightless species (horses, donkeys, pigs) have no horns, and is moreover proved by the practice of dehorning in modern farms, aimed not only to prevent stockpersons and other cattle from being wounded, but mainly to impeach an escape by wings of animals having sometimes a high value.
On the other hand, centuries old wisdom of the breeders gives a very clear indication of their worries about cattle flying escapes, by means of technical devices like tie stall housing, and narrow windows in the oldest barns, so that cattle couldn't pass through.
It must remark that the most part of cattle parasites can fly (horse-flies, gad-flies, warble flies, etc.): should we suppose either a parasites' adaptation to flight, aimed to follow their host or that cattle learnt to fly to escape parasites? And anyway, why should an insect need wings to reach a host bound to the ground?

The different horn size of the different breeds are indicative of the different flying skill between them: Maremmana breed (fig.1) has particularly wide horns and is traditionally tended by butteri who, as seen previously, were at first real air traffic controllers.
Another cattle breed with particularly wide horns is Scottish "Highland" (fig.2), and it's easy to remark the meaningful etymology of the name: "high", like a flight, and "land", with the evident meaning of "cattle landing after a high flight".
Even Ayrshire breed name (fig.3) recalls more airlines than cattle, and it must remark that both Highlands and Ayrshire are in Scotland, not far from Loch Ness, seat of a paranormal reality negated by the official science? (see "Loch Ness: a negated reality" by the same Author).
The different coats of each breed suggest different flight habits: the black spotted breeds, like Holstein (fig.4), but even more the red spotted, like Simmental (fig.5), have evidently a showy colour to avoid collisions between them during formation flight, while breeds with uniform dark coat are those flying prevalently by night, with a mimetic purpose (fig.6, Aberdeen Angus, another Scottish breed: it's only by chance?). The British beef breed more widespread in the world is named Hereford, whose pronunciation recalls "airport", and which is mainly polled, so flightless, and this agrees with the red and white coat, with well distinct fields, typical of ground service vehicles on the airport runways (fig.7).

The earliest artistic representations of cattle are in the Palaeolithic paintings of Altamira caves, with a cattle flock flying in formation (fig.8), of Lascaux caves with a landing bovine (fig.9), of Tuc d'Audoubert cave, with two cattle taking off (fig.10), and in the rupestrian engraving in Valcamonica, with cattle flocks flying (fig.11).
The astonishing technical level of artistic representation, inconceivable for Palaeolithical artists, is a signature of the real authors: intergalactic reporters landed from alien starships (see: "Extraterrestrial Palaeolithic engraving: a negated reality", by the same Author) and give us a chronological indication on the countless bovine migrations in the history. Everybody knows the origin of bovine species dates back to Mu, the lost continent (see "Mu: a negated reality", by the same Author), clearly owing its name to the same ruminant, which probably had a main role in the complex social structure of Mu. How cattle escaped from distruction of the continent swallowed by the sea (due to explosion of the dung energy deposits? see "Dung-propelled starships: a negated reality", by the same Author) if not migrating on wings? And where migrating cattle headed for, if not Mesopotamia, where Assyro-Babylonians venerated the winged bull (fig.12), to reach then Egypt, homeland of the cult of Apis bull (fig.13), represented with a sun disk between the horns, maybe a schematization of a radar receiver (see: "Moo base Alpha. Do you read me?", by the same Author).

How to explain the presence in Italy of Indian or Pakistan origin cattle breeds (i.e. Piemontese breed, fig. 22), if not with a long migration? And being a migration via mainland practically impossible since the very long distance to cover, which other way, but not a migration on flight, could have led under our skies such breeds from remote continents? Some people object, according to reason, that a migration could have happened by intergalactic starships (see: "Star Transhumances: a negated reality", by the same Author) or by teletransport or psychokinesis, but these hypothesis are till to-day not scientifically demonstrated.
Proceeding to Roman age, the great Virgil in Bucolicon talked about deers at pasture on flight:

"Ante leves ergo pascentur in aethere cervi" (Bucolicon, Eclogue I)

but being the flight above mentioned at a high altitude ("in aethere"), we can suppose that the poet made a sighting mistake, and instead he saw cattle, or even it was a poetic licence (by the way the poet Horace,Virgil's colleague, lived quite in Licenza, near Rome: just a coincidence?); anyway the impressive antlers of the deers can also give credit the hypothesis that Virgil was right, and the Mammals he sighted flying were in reality deers (see: "Aeneas was extraterrestrial: a negated reality", by the same Author).
Jumping ahead some century, the great Galileo Galilei, during his nighttime astronomical observations in Pisa, surely sighted flying cattle of the local breed "Mucca Nera Pisana" (fig. 14), whose mimetic colour gives us a measure of its skill for night fly. The fact that the great astronomer and astrologer never mentioned it in his works testifies the importance he attributed to bovine flight and of the certainty that divulging this knowledge could cause a violent reaction of the ecclesiastical hierarchies and of the science establishment of the age, anchored to a vision of cattle as animals solely terrestrial: calling to mind the trial and the forced abjuration of Galileo, how could we blame his caution? (See: "Galileo: a misunderstood genius", by the same Author). We could nevertheless assume that, seeing the mimetic colour of this cattle, he could have missed to sight them, or mistake them for Santa Claus' reindeers.
Moving on to more recent ages we can recall the Galvani's experiments on animal electricity, that the great scientist was forced to carry out on frogs, since the cow he purchased for the experiment flew away from the window, shirking a closer investigation on the electrical structures involved with flight.
For what concerns modern age, should we consider a mere coincidence the fact that the main airports have been built in the areas with the higher density of cattle farms? Maybe the first airport builders chose the areas where the meteorological and orographical conditions are more fit to the flight, the same chose by cattle centuries before? (See: "Malpensa airport: the druid's spell", by the same Author).
Maybe the numerous air crashes whose causes aren't cleared up were due to collisions between aircrafts and cattle? The evident reticences and cover ups of authorities and official science are maybe due to the need of conceal evidences of a bovine flight activity that could shake the foundation of the official science establishment, denying with stubbornness the existence of a reality supported by countless evidences? (see: "Twin Towers: terrorists from outer space" by the same Author).
How to explain the presence of cowdung on mountain rangeland, even at high altitude, when no head of cattle is on sight, if not as a remainder of nigthtime hedgehopping passages of herds? The mountaineers don't like to speak of this and, asked about, whitdraw themselves behind undecipherable mumbles or deny the evidence, which makes suspect they fear a reprisal, maybe from the same cattle who want to keep their own aerial activities secret (see: "Cattle mafia: a negated reality", by the same Author) or from military leaders that for years have been employing apparently innocuous cows in air intelligence actions (see "Spy Holstein: a negated reality", by the same Author); on this subject we cannot deny the astonishing structural analogy between cattle tail and Stealth strike aircraft tail (fig.15). A partial and temporary unmasking of bovine flight was tried by Air France in the Fifties (fig.15a).
Finally a recent (June 2011) updating by Andrea PL, an attentive reader of this page, who brought to my attention an umpteenth evidence of bovine flight: Ringo Starr, the Beatles' drummer, knew it. In his house of Weybridge, near London, il musician actually had a bar named "The Flying Cow". (*)
To sum up, it's evident that cattle flight can be negated only by the guilty bluntness of traditional medicine and official science, which anyway hold an uncontrollable power, since they succeed in monopolizing informations and hide facts looking obvious, as documented by the astonishing image abstracted from NASA archives where was concealed (fig.16), or by the flying kung fu fight sequence, man vs. cow, in the film Kung Pow! Enter the Fist by Steve Oederkerk (fig. 17), sold as a product of digital special effects, while it's a mere documentary. But in spite of this, they'll not cow us and, for the sake of freedom, science and knowledge, we'll keep on tearing the veil of silence covering truth as a shroud (see: "The shroud of Turin is extraterrestrial: a negated reality", by the same Author), and we ask all the witnesses of these events not to hide themselves, but to cry aloud: "I saw a flying cow!". We are sure that the present text will make noise and the priests of the dullest rationalism will keep denying that cattle can fly, like still today they negate the extraterrestrials are among us (fig.18), or Elvis Presley is alive (fig.19), Paul McCartney is dead (fig.20) and Enrique Iglesias is the reincarnation of Ramses II (fig.21): may they have our pity!

(*) Christopher Porterfield, Pop Music: The Messengers. Time, Sep. 22 1967, pag. 171. (quoted in: June Skinner Sawyers, Read the Beatles. Penguin, 2006).

other exclusive photos by the Author:

22. Piemontese bull after landing; 23. Marchigiana cow hedgehopping; 24. flock of Holstein heifers take refreshment after a long flight;
25. Chianina cow taxiing before taking off; 26. Chianina cow diving towards a pasture.

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page last updated: June 5th 2011