Steer trek: a negated reality

by Andrea GADDINI
professor of Astrozootechny and Bovine Cosmonautic - University of Stonehenge

In a previous work (Flying cattle: a negated reality) we demonstrated scientifically the capability peculiar to bovine species to take flight and migrate.
Now it's time to raise the veil of silence covering another incontrovertible reality concerning cattle: their extraterrestrial origin and their arrival on earth by dung-propelled starship.
Each of us keep in mind the traditional extraterrestrials' look, by a close encounter or by a friend's narration: we know they have feelers, green skin and a peculiar face (photo 1): which other terrestrial animal looks like this description more than cattle? Feelers are obviously pointless horns, the green colour is evidently taken from rangeland's colour, natural habitat of our ruminants, while cattle muzzle must surely be considered anomalous compared to a human face (photo 2): nobody could mistake cattle for human beings, like nobody could mistake a human for an alien, and this demonstrate scientifically our hypothesis.

There can't be doubts about cattle's constellation of origin, which is obviously the Bull: it only remains to be understood if the constellation takes its name from our pleasant ruminant friends or instead if were cattle to take their name from their place of origin, like on the other hand happened to the Etruscans, which came from HTRSX galaxy (still unknown) and wished to keep the name of their native place (see our work in 16 volumes: "Porsenna was an alien: a negated reality").
Cattle landings took place and still happen mostly in maize fields (photo 3), to allow cattle to refresh after a long interstellar transhumance, so we could assume that discovery of America occurred under (secret) cattle drive, to allow the introduction in Europe of maize, so increasing the landing/refreshment places available for transgalactic cattle.
The return trip towards the galaxy of origin happens by teletransport (photo 4, 5 and 6) even if it's not rare the event of alien cattle kidnapped by extraterrestrials of other species (photo 7 and 8).
It would be anyway fool to think that bovine starships landed only on our planet: indeed is documented that cunning and hard-working ruminants colonized several planets and satellites of our solar system. Recalling anyway the strong link between the Milky Way and the dairy cattle, here's a short review of the available scientifical data:

Moon cattle
It's well-known that the area of origin of Holstein cattle is the moon, on which surface they were often sighted and documented (photo 9, 10, 11 and 12).

Also Podolian breed have a clear lunar origin, as demonstrated by the gray coat, fitted to camouflage on moon surface, being nevertheless unfit on earth (photo 13 and 14).
The renowned anglosaxon nursery-rhyme:

Hey diddle diddle the cat and the fiddle, / The cow jumped over the moon
The little dog laughed to see such sport, / And the dish ran away with the spoon

seems to be referred to Hereford breed (photo 15), and testifies the first attempts of space transhumance, with consequent accidents (photo 16), probably due to intergalactic conspiracies, which then led to set up safer livestock-starship (photo 17), made famous even by cartoons (photo 18).
Amongst the other cattle breeds of more certain lunar origin we mention Pontremolese (photo 19) whose native area (Lunigiana) is a clear reference to earth's satellite, while Chianina (photo 20) is the prevailing breed on Alpe della Luna mountains, a place which could have been chosen only by creatures coming from other worlds. The choice of regions recalling their far-away native satellite is not only an evidence of the extraterrestrial origin of bovine species, but also a proof of cattle's deep homesickness for their planet of origin.
We should moreover wonder which food could be found by cattle on the apparently barren moon surface, and about it we can suggest two hypotheses: the first is that moon is covered by invisible plants, nevertheless nourishing, the second is that moon cattle's rumen microflora includes species fit to digest rock, like Ruminobacter petrivorus, Clostridium lunaris, Ruminococcus selenicus, able to provide energy and nutrititional elements to their host organism.

Mars cattle
Mars, the red planet, owes its colour to the numberless Salers breed cattle (photo 21) pasturing on its surface, but is also populated by cattle of other red-coated breeds like Modicana (photo 22), Limousine (photo 23) and Highland (photo 24). The plentiful iron ores of Mars give to its beef a bright red colour which is particularly appreciated by flesh-eating aliens, which anyway can seldom catch cattle, since their perfect mimicry. It seems that Mars cattle are particularly aggressive, consistently with the god of war which gives name to the planet, therefore the failure of several Mars exploring missions launched from the earth could be attributed to cattle attacks.

Venus cattle
On Venus the documented breeds are Piemontese (photo 25) and Belgian Blue (photo 26), which owes its colour to the peculiar ores existing only on this planet; the presence of these muscular hypertrophic breeds can be due to a peculiar swelling effect induced by the goddess of love to whom the planet is dedicated. Venus moreover has an atmospheric pressure 90 times bigger than earth, explaining the presence of low height breeds like Aberdeen Angus (photo 27), whose black coat is produced by the high temperature of the planet (480°C).

Jupiter cattle
On Jupiter mainly ancient draft breeds like Maremmana (photo 28) and Romagnola (photo 29) are present, though the former's name could recall us the planet Mars, or the Moon "seas" (in Latin maris), evoked also by the horns of its bulls, shaped as an half moon; the Jupiter origin of draft breeds could explain the etymology of the word "yoke", obviously the same of Jove. Jupiter is an immense gas sphere, probably produced by the same cattle's emissions. We must moreover remind that one of the Jupiter's satellites is named Europa (photo 30), from the name of the mythological young girl kidnapped by Jupiter changed into a bull, while another satellite is named Io (photo 31), from the name of another mythological young girl, changed by Jupiter into a heifer (the Latin word for heifer is iuvenca, close to Iovis, meaning Jupiter in the oblique cases: is this a mere coincidence?).

We must moreover warn about the possible anthropophagy episodes by galactic cattle, which, though not frequent are not exceptional (photo 32): it seems that alien cattle (photo 33) feed mainly cats (photo 34) and birds (photo 35 and 36), but anyway it's not advisable to come too near free ranging cattle, unless you are absolutely sure they aren't extraterrestrial, but such assessment should be left to experts (see our: "Morphological and functional evaluation of White Extraterrestrial breed cattle"). Moreover alien cattle pastures could be dangerous even by the launch of dung-propelled livestock-starships (photo 37), that could scald (photo 38) everybody finding himself close to a livestock cosmodrome (photo 39).
To sum up we must stigmatize the blunt skepticism of scientific world, not giving up neither before photografic evidences and valid scientific theories, though we could suppose the same cattle are setting up obscure tricks to give a slip on their extraterrestrial origin, and probably to hide their conspiracy to take possession of the earth (see our work: "George Bush is an alien steer and he's gonna destroy our planet").

I apologize for any error in English translation: if you want
to communicate with me for corrections and/or comments,
write me

my works of upsetting scientific vulgarization on cattle

page created: April 10th 2006 and last updated: November 13th 2010